You will see me tomorrow because yes, I am tired (so fucking tired) but I’m not done yet. Because even on my worst days, I’ve still got some fight in me- even if that fight is against myself.
Because I have too many good stories to tell. Because of the smell of pine trees and cedar. Because I have a cat who meets me at the door, follows me around like a little shadow. Because he needs someone to curl up against in the middle of the night. Because he needs someone fearless enough to give him regular tummy rubs. Because I still haven’t learned to play a musical instrument. Because of the soundtracks to Inception and Pacific Rim. Because there are boys to be kissed and horror movies to be watched. Because there are vegetables I haven’t grown and dogs I haven’t petted. Because Apple hasn’t made a potato emoji yet. Because of bare feet and freckles that appear in July. Because I have races to run and finish lines to cross. Because there are trails to explore and mountains to climb.
Because I want to dance with my father at my wedding to our song. Because I want to see my mother continually grow and inspire me to do the same. Because I want to feel the love of my stepfather and stepmother that’s just as good as blood. Because I have a brother in prison who finds a reason to live every day, so I sure can. Because I have about three million more times my sister and I need to watch Harry Potter. Because my nephews and niece are already funnier than most grown people I know.
Because every idiot who felt they could call me a “junkie” and imply worthlessness needs to be proven wrong. Because my abuser would get too much satisfaction. Because a lot of politicians need to see what a clean addict can do. Because there are naysayers to any kind of progress in the world and even more reasons to continue despite them.
Because I know the gap that is left behind. Because I’ve sat next to the empty camping chair and listened to this new silence at the campfire when we think of her. Because I have hurt people in many ways but that isn’t one I could ever try to make right. Because the people who love me may deserve someone better but they also deserve to see me grow old. Because there are people that I love and people that love me. Because I don’t want to be that empty place at the table.
Because I have Christmas presents to give and pictures to take. Because I want to see a snowy Christmas again someday, if global warming will let us. Because my succulents have survived neglect and a mild winter, so why can’t I? Because I have clothes to return and clothes to wear for the first time. Because I have cookies in my cabinet to be eaten and bumper stickers waiting to be put on my car. Because there are so many loose ends in my life right now that my ghost would still have gut-wrenching anxiety.
Because I have words to write that someone needs to read. Because of how a summer morning feels before the world wakes up. Because of the word “y’all.” Because I have lines of poetry scribbled in the backs of notebooks, on scraps of paper, hurriedly typed in fragments that still need a good home. Because one of my co-workers would have to finish my edits. Because of peppermint flavored anything. Because there are so many nutrition myths to crush. Because I think that one day I could learn to love someone the right way. Because there are two more movies in the Star Wars series. Because of hot dark coffee with too much sugar. Because someone needs to see that it doesn’t always get better but you will get stronger.
You’ll see me tomorrow just because. Because sometimes you don’t need a reason. Sometimes you just do it anyway. So you’ll see me tomorrow. I promise.
We’ll See You Tomorrow was a campaign run by the organization To Write Love On Her Arms in honor of World Suicide Prevention Day on September 10th, 2015, as well as America’s National Suicide Prevention that ran September 7th-13th 2015. Although these particular dates have passed, the ideals expressed in this campaign still ring true for anyone who is or isn’t struggling with suicide affecting their lives:
Thank you for supporting TWLOHA.
Thank you for caring about people.
May we continue to fight for the stories around us.
Every story matters.
We’ll see you tomorrow.